Hey yall!! So if you read my “about me” section, then you already know that I have a fiancee, two daughters, and another one on the way (nearing my 13th week of pregnancy). Anyway, they are ALL literally mad at me right now. Like, not an ordinary mad but they pretty much don’t like me very much at this moment! Let me explain..
Now ladies, I’m sure you can relate to the ups and downs of the whole pregnancy process right? Well a man can’t relate and kids don’t understand it but- DAMN!! Sometimes I just wish they understood what I’m going through without me having to say it. Of course, I get irritated over little things that might not matter much, I’m extra sensitive so my feelings get hurt quick but I’m too tough for crying (soldier) so I just get mad instead. When I don’t feel good, I don’t want to be bothered either. I just want to sit and be fat, and irritated in my own world and maybe even get babied just a lil bit.
Impossible! The girls are running around screaming, chasing and kicking each other like wild zoo animals while I’m in the middle of watching Guy’s Grocery Games on food network. My fiancee works overnight shifts right now so he is sleeping during the most of the day until a couple of hours before work so I have to argue with the kids to keep them quiet bc we live in a small apartment where you can loudly hear everything. Well now that I explained my piece of feelings, let me tell you why they are mad.. Starting with the kids..
Dad just left for work so they no longer have to play quietly. That gives them a GO to GO crazy! They start chasing each other and playing kick tag (don’t ask me where they got the game idea from, I’m still trying to figure it out), I tell them to stop kicking because their feet belong on the floor. Mind you, this was the first time so I said it pretty calmly. They started playing regular tag, laughing, having fun and I enjoyed watching them actually playing together. I gets up to fix some lunch, and the tag game is still going on so I’m just listening.. Until I hear what sounded like someone being hit with something and right away after a screach from my soon to be 4 year old. Long story short, they decided to play tag while hitting each other with the barbie to tag one another instead of kicking. The mini barbie happened to hit my baby hard right on top of her eye. This made me so HOT yall! I bent down to see if she was ok while I yelled at my oldest to get her ass in the living room on the wall.. then the thoughts came pouring in my head like, what if she gets a black eye? What kind of parent am I to let them play tag in the house anyway? How could I not have seen what was going on? I got even more mad and starting yelling like a mad woman telling them how they know better then to be playing like this/ what were they thinking/ they done lost their mind/ I’m taking all their toys away/ next time, I’m gonna be the one hitting someone.. I lost it yall! I sat both of them down and took their toys and tablets away while still yelling about how they done lost their mind and how tired I am of them acting up when daddy is not home. While they’re sitting around both crying crocodile tears, I’m walking around the house talking and cussing to myself. After my last, “Shut the HELL up with all that crying!!” They both sat with mean mugs on their face giving me the “I don’t like you right now” look.. (Sigh, very long sigh).. now for hubby..
This man works very hard I have to say. He got put on a shift that requires to work from evening to 1 am. Unfortunately, when he gets off of work, I’m already in bed as I have to get up and be at work by 6am. However, when he gets off, he can’t fall asleep. He has always had insomnia so its hard for him to go to sleep at night. When he comes home, he turns the tv on to watch and gets his plate out the fridge to warm up his dinner that I put up for him (loudly).
Now I’m a very light sleeper and I wake up at the sound of Everything. I like it sometimes because I’m very cautious of everything so if there was a break in or something, ill hear it and wake up, but I also hate it sometimes because then I can’t get good sleep. Anyway, I know his routine when he comes home because I hear everything from the time he closes the door. I hear him loudly slam the microwave door to warm up his food, the tv is loud because our bedroom is right behind the wall that our tv sits on so that’s where that issue comes from.
I know doesn’t do it on purpose but then I struggle falling back to sleep. But then he also catches up on shows that we are suppose to watch together so I can hear the show playing which makes me more mad besides not being able to go back to sleep. Especially because he doesn’t come get in the bed until either right before or after my alarm goes off to get up, IF he don’t fall asleep on the couch. It’s hard for me to fall asleep when he is not laying next to me. Not to mention the fact that I’m not getting none. Our schedules make it hard for that and when we do have the chance, one of us or both of us are tired and don’t really care to do anything. Well, I expect him to just come home and take it whether I’m sleep or not but I can’t seem to express that to him in the right way I guess so I just get irritated with him. Its been about a couple of weeks since we have gotten to do our thing and that builds up inside of this pregnant, hormone filled, emotional human right here (ME!)
We usually call each other on our work breaks most of the time since we don’t see much of each other at home. So now to the point, he calls me one evening while I’m in the middle of a meltdown with the kids trying to get them ready for bed (struggle). He is walking through customers at work so of course he is getting stopped for questions and keeps putting the phone down to talk to them while talking to me.. OMG.. you already know, I’m already losing it with the kids, now this just irritated me more. Then he says, “Ok just calling to say good night, ill talk to you tomorrow”..Oh hell no he didn’t. I didn’t even say nothing I said “alright I guess, whatever” but I guess he can hear the anger in my voice. “Idk what you getting mad at me for, blah blah” basically I’m tripping and hung up. I got so mad and hurt that I right away sent him a couple of long text messages about how he don’t want to talk to me or how he don’t even want to sleep with me or be bothered with me, blah blah. I was a mess. Of course I thought about it afterwards like maybe I am tripping a little bit because I was already irritated. But nope because he didn’t have to hang up on me and he haven’t been giving me none and I’m tired and these kids working my nerves to. I had way too many emotions going on. He sent me one last message after my rampage saying how he don’t want to put up with the drama and I’m changing up for no reason.
We haven’t said much more then 2 words to each other since then and its been a whole day and a half. No call on breaks or nothing. But- he actually did sleep in the bed with me when he came home (after a couple of hours of TV). I still didn’t get none, but at least he was next to me lol.. So do I feel bad about both situations? Kind of, I guess you can say, but there’s my side and their side. I just want them to understand why I get mad and they can help me not have to get so irritated if that makes sense. I think its just these pregnancy hormones. I feel myself being meaner then I was with both of my other pregnancies. Plus it’s the first trimester so most if the time, I just don’t feel good at all. I also didn’t feel as sick or irritated with the other pregnancies but it is what it is. It happens when you’re carrying a whole other human in your body.
In conclusion, writing about this makes me want to make it right with my family. I can’t let them be mad at me too long without explaining my feelings and why I reacted the way I did. I love them dearly. They are my life! I thank yall for reading if you lasted through the post this long and please leave your comments, advice or whatever you may have to say. Sorry for making my first post so long. I really didn’t expect my first post to be a rant but here we are! Lol
Anyway, thanks again yall and please leave your comments. I am a first time blogger here so anything will be very helpful for me!! Have a great day! This mama is about to go set some things right with her clan!